I needed a little time to get things in order. Granted, I wanted to be able to continue blogging and see where this would take me, but like most things, I got distracted. It's funny how one person can attempt to do something so simple and it turns into something it's not. I was being almost tormented by a few people who thought that writing a blog like this would hurt me more than help me.
Frustration set in as some of the people who I loved the most and felt closest too thought that this type of a blog would allow me to excuse the fact that I'm fat instead of motivating me and other woman to accept that although I'm bigger, I'm still healthy, smart, beautiful and exciting. I can't really explain it, but all of the sudden my attempts to share frustration and at times anger, worried them. I just couldn't see why.
I do see it from their side, but there is a part of me that is so resentful that they slowed me down on my attempt to share my feelings and discredited my emotions. My own boyfriend was worried that this little blog that very few people read, would make me into something I was not. I had friends who told me some pretty rotten crap and I took time to evaluate the situation.
I've decided on one thing - I don't give a crap.
Here is what it breaks down to. This is what I want to do in my time, in my own place and if no one reads it, then so be it. I'm not trying to get a million readers just find my own voice. I am going to sound stupid, silly, bitchie, shitty, nasty and maybe even rude at times. I may cry or laugh but simply don't care.
For the first time, I get it. This is about... me. I think other women appreciate that.