Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I'm Back!

I needed a little time to get things in order. Granted, I wanted to be able to continue blogging and see where this would take me, but like most things, I got distracted. It's funny how one person can attempt to do something so simple and it turns into something it's not. I was being almost tormented by a few people who thought that writing a blog like this would hurt me more than help me.

Frustration set in as some of the people who I loved the most and felt closest too thought that this type of a blog would allow me to excuse the fact that I'm fat instead of motivating me and other woman to accept that although I'm bigger, I'm still healthy, smart, beautiful and exciting. I can't really explain it, but all of the sudden my attempts to share frustration and at times anger, worried them. I just couldn't see why.

I do see it from their side, but there is a part of me that is so resentful that they slowed me down on my attempt to share my feelings and discredited my emotions. My own boyfriend was worried that this little blog that very few people read, would make me into something I was not. I had friends who told me some pretty rotten crap and I took time to evaluate the situation.

I've decided on one thing - I don't give a crap.

Here is what it breaks down to. This is what I want to do in my time, in my own place and if no one reads it, then so be it. I'm not trying to get a million readers just find my own voice. I am going to sound stupid, silly, bitchie, shitty, nasty and maybe even rude at times. I may cry or laugh but  simply don't care.

For the first time, I get it. This is about... me. I think other women appreciate that.


  1. I'm reading! Don't let others get you down. Anymore people have to look out for number 1, otherwise...who else is going to do it?

  2. I'm shocked to learn that you let other people sway you. You're so well spoken (written really :) and such a strong person that I would have thought naturally they'd encourage you to do what you want to do.
    I'm glad you're back!! I really enjoy your writing and I think I speak for lots of other women out there as well as myself, we relate to people when we know they go through what we go through. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I love your blog and the whole concept of it!!
    Stay strong girl!!

  3. Thanks girls! I realized tonight that it's a challenging thing for some people to admit that you are who you are and that they may at times not even see you for it. It's like an elephant in the room and it makes people uncomfortable to acknowledge that I AM FAT. HAHA It's actually funny when you say it out loud, but it's true. I have no fear of sharing my fears, my weight, my binging or frustration because I am comfortable with me. They don't, on the other hand, have to be as comfortable with me as I am. I just hope they are. Acceptance at all levels can he hard. Sure, our independence and our ability to be strong is there but there are times that we fall. I'm embarrassed that I let them get to me like that. What's done is done and it's time to move on past it, get to the truth and see that there are so many wonderful things out there that even a big girl like me can openly love!