I have this friend you see. She’s wonderful and I love her face off to death, but I find more and more that skinny people who think they are fat make me in-freaking-sane. Now, as most of you know, I tend to write in a professional and compassionate manner, but girls, how much can we possibly take of our friends ranting on and on that they are fat, plump, pudgie, or thick when they are none of the above? I can no longer do it.
There is something beautiful in every one of us. None of us are perfect. We need to accept that and move on. Yet, some people can’t. We all have that friend, the one who stops and glances in every mirror checking her hair, her profile, and her butt. We have that friend that lifts their shirt just a little to have a glance at their tummy and groan as they slap their non-existent pooch area. What is it that I’m supposed to say to this girl about her weight?
Truth is, I want to smack her. Smack her hard in the face with a loaded baked potato and tell her to eat it all, even the skin and make sure she drinks that entire glass of milk. Alas, I can’t. I don’t really feel like a restraining order will do much for my blogging or keeping my real job. But, what do we do? What do we say and more importantly, how do they feel about me if I’m twice their size?
Them: God, I am so fat! What the hell was I thinking when I ate... (fill in the dots here).
Me: Same thing I was – You were hungry
What I should of said – (You aren’t fat, you’re actually just out of your damn mind. You should have eaten two you skinny B!)
Them: Have you seen the size of my ass?!
Me: Have you seen the size of mine?
Then: Oh, shut up, that’s different.
(How the hell is it different? I way 150lbs more than you! That’s what the hell the difference is!)
Them: Grrr, do you see this roll?
Me: What roll? Your pants are too damn tight girl.
Them: The pants are fine. I'm talking about this... this...This muffin-top!
Me: (You don’t have a muffin-top you ass, your pants are just a size too small.)
THIS WOULD BE THE SKINNY VERSION OF A MUFFIN TOP - BUY A SIZE BIGGER!
THIS WOULD BE THE ASSUMPTION OF A PLUMP WOMAN AND HER CLOTHING!